Jamoca Almond Fudge

by Julie
(Tucson, AZ)

I’d like you to meet a really good friend, Jamoca Almond Fudge. He is very particular – always prefers to be called by his full, complete name, not just Jamoca. I’ve known JAF since he was born. We first met through my parents. My dad, who never had food issues, was a particular fan and introduced us.

At first, I played hard to get. I resisted his advances. JAF was quite a tease, but I remained a semi-virgin for many years. Over time, he wore me down and once I committed, I went all the way. I was never a gray person. Before too long, we were snack dab in a full love/hate relationship. You know. Couldn’t live comfortably with him, but couldn’t live without him. Every time I attempted to move on, he would show up – at birthday parties, in specialty stores and finally in my refrigerator, where he eventually moved in. We lived together in the 80s and 90s thinking we might be able to fulfill each other’s needs but he turned out to be a one-way soulmate. After years of kicking him out, only to let him back in, I finally had the courage to divorce him. This is a recent occurrence. Now, we do occasionally see each other, but he no longer has the hold on me. When we meet, usually at the mall, we say hi, we chat, sometimes even our lips touch, but it’s short and sweet. I’ll always love him, but alas I see him for what he is. A fake. Not the real thing. Not someone who can truly satisfy me, but simply a big time talker and underneath, all talk, no banana. He was a real Mr. Instant Gratification. Mr. Short timer. These days, the short term rush of infatuation just isn’t enough. I want a long term, healthy, nourishing relationship. I’d like you to meet my new man, Mr. Norwegian Cod Liver Oil. He may not be the best smelling guy in the universe, but he is committed to a healthy relationship and he seems to love me very much. I feel so much better when we’ve spent some time together. It’s odd, this thing called love. At first, I could barely stand him. I thought, what in the world does anyone see in him? But slowly, over time, we started to get to know each other and the more I was around him, the happier I felt. He gives me strength, he grounds me, and provides a certain joie de vivre. I finally took him home to meet my mom and I believe her exact words were “I tried to get you interested in him long before you met Jamoca Almond Fudge, but you were so fickle back then.” One thing about getting older. You start to realize that maybe mom was right all along. With NCLO, I know he’s the real deal. I can see us spending the rest of our lives together. It won’t be the high of Jamoca Almond Fudge, but Norwegian provides steady, continuous, support that allows me to feel really good about myself. My whole being seems happier – my hair is shinier, my eyes are brighter. JAF was really just a trophy husband – when I walked around, people knew who I was with. But Norwegian Cod Liver Oil is a real shy, behind the scenes kind of guy. An understated, quiet but effective partner. I may not have gotten in right during the first half of my life, but I’m going to be more judicious in the second half. If I had it all to do over again, I just wish I had listened to mom.